Thoughts on Adulting + How I’m Failing At It

I’m going to warn you from now, this is going to be a chatty post.

2017 has been such a weird year for me, mostly because it’s a year full of changes. I ended 2016 graduating college and started the new year with absolutely no clue on what the year has in store for me. It’s already April and I’m still unsure where I’m going to end up by the end of the year. These past few months have been filled with me working, looking for a better-paying job (which feels like a job itself), applying to grad school/scholarships, and beating myself up for not being better at everything.

Here’s the thing, I have no idea what I’m doing. All I know is there’s somewhere I want to be and getting from here to there requires money, which requires time, which can be difficult to come by. Time is such a tricky thing. I have more of it since I don’t have classes or homework anymore, but now it’s harder to manage. I thought that once I graduated I would find a decent paying, full-time job to save up for grad school and any extra time I’d have would be spent reading and blogging. My mom warned me that it wouldn’t be so easy and she was right, so now I’m here, literally re-evaluating all my past decisions and analyzing my future ones.

There hasn’t been a day that’s gone by since I learned of my acceptance to my top choice grad program, where I’ve internally battled on whether or not I should go. Everything in me screams that I should go, that I could make it work…somehow. Do I jump? Or do I wait and see if the opportunity will present itself at a better time? Honestly I’m so conflicted, only time will tell.

Being a young adult is honestly the weirdest thing because some of your peers are already great at it and some aren’t. I’m excited (and scared) to see where my 20s will take me and hope that, in the end, everything will work out and I’ll be happy.