Disclaimer: This post isn’t bookish, it’s about my life *flips hair*
Life is pretty hectic right now, academically speaking of course. Being a senior in high school entails a lot of extra work that I didn’t expect to be so time consuming. Honestly, I’m still in shock that this is my last year of school- I can’t believe that something that has consumed my life for the past 15 years is almost over. Yes, yes I do realize that I’m going to college/university and that’s basically the same thing, but it isn’t! It’s shocking that I’m so close to finishing, so shocking that I kind of block it out because growing up scares me. Blocking this information has resulted in procrastination, I have done zilch research on what colleges have the best opportunities for me. Every time I get an email from universities encouraging be to attend open houses or applying for early decision I will move it unopened to a different folder dedicated to all of these types of emails. It wasn’t until I received a pamphlet in the mail to a university in New Jersey did I start researching. Most early decision deadlines are November 1st, so I know I won’t be able to apply on time- however I need to start applying now.
I’ve never really had a dream college so that made researching colleges hard, I had no idea where to start. Asking my friends was no help because most of them were in the same boat as me. I made an appointment with my school’s academic adviser and all she said was to google colleges with majors I’m interested in. For those of you who don’t know I’m currently enrolled in my university for high school, I have 82 college credits (I just found out a few days ago). If you want to know more about my school read this post. Here’s the thing, I’m not 100% sure what I want to major in. Currently I’m pursuing nursing because my mom reasoned with me that it’s a diverse field that will always have a job opening. However I really want to study English or journalism because I want to be surrounded by books for the rest of my life. I can become a literary agent or a publicist until I write the novel I want to publish myself. My ultimate dream job is to become a full time author, but I’ll be fine working with authors and writing on the side. Nobody can prepare you for life, we always try to though. We tell kids that they can be whatever they want, we tell them to follow their dreams because dreams do come true. I wish with all my heart that everyone can live their dream, but it’s not realistic. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t chase your dreams because you never know what life will grant you. No, what I’m saying is that sometimes you have to put your dreams to the side and think- Will this really benefit me? Taking the safe route seems tedious to me, why should I waste years of my life doing something I’m not in love with? But at the same time, what if my dream doesn’t work out? What if I try but I find myself financially unstable? My family isn’t rich, heck we’re barely getting by right now. I don’t want to live the rest of my life worrying if I will have enough money to pay the bills and buy groceries. As you can see I am very conflicted about this, which is another reason why I haven’t chosen any colleges to apply to- I don’t know what I’m looking for.
Well that was really heavy….you guys glimpsed some of what goes through my mind on a daily basis. Did I scare you away? If not let’s talk about the SAT and exams, fun right? I, like many students in America, despise the SAT. I will be taking it for the second time on November 8th, the first time I scored a 1700. Although my score isn’t terrible (the average score is a 1300 I believe) I’m really disappointed with myself, which is why I’m retaking it. Studying for the SAT is the most annoying thing I’ve ever had to do. I don’t understand why we need to take it! How can a test determine whether we are ‘worthy’ of attending a college? Ugh, I can go on for hours about this but I’ll spare you the annoyance.
It’s almost November, which means that exams, projects, and papers are near. Oh and I can’t forget about the SAT on the 8th and the fact that I decided to participate in NaNoWriMo. What makes me really sad is that I finally got back in the swing of blogging, but now I might have to stop. I think I’m going to schedule a whole bunch of posts beforehand and just post those throughout November since I’ll barely have any time….sigh.
Okay this was a very rant-y post, promise next time’s will be bookish. Until then!